Thursday, February 24, 2011

Lets Talk.

So I'm pumped full of nicotine, concerta, and coffee. I need to talk. I need to write. Even though when I'm concerta, I want to just talk for hours on ends. Cause of my ability to interrupt everyone during a conversation and start my own topic (blame the ADD/ADHD meds -_- ),I've been bequeathed the nickname "MotorMouth" by our very own Zack:

My friends were drunk on one (of the numerous) night, and trying to get an even drunker Matt to bed (imagine a tiny corridor, a big drunk guy, and bouncing off walls. You'll understand why). In his drunken stupor, Matt says out loud "I can fight any one of you," points at me and continues to say "Except you, cause you're a girl", points at Sarah and says "And you, cause you're a girl". And then (we still don't know why the hell anyone would do that) points at Zack and blurts "And you, cause you're gay which is like being a girl." At this point it's clear that we are not getting this guy to bed. Zack throws his hands up in the air and walks away mumbling "I can't deal with this right now".
Four months later, this topic is still a point of laughter.
Let me tell you how UMass Amherst works. UMass (alias Zoomass The Fucking Jungle) is the flag campus of the 4 Massachusetts state college campuses (we don't know what goes on in UMass Lowell, UMass Dartmouth, or UMass Boston. Except that they suck our balls). We begin our weekends on Thursday, with the traditional Thirsty Thursday celebrations. If you go to UMass, you must celebrate Fucked Up Fridays. If you're even more adventuresome, then you have to celebrate Sloshed Saturdays. If you're even more crazy (i.e if you want to be a true UMass student), then once a month you celebrate Sippin' Sundays.

Oh, and once a semester you have to drink throughout the week. No sober days, you'll be an outcast.
Candy = drugs. Fuck KitKat. Who the fuck is Willy Wonka? What is a jelly bean? The crazier of us usually mix two drugs, even coming up with sweetening names like Candy Flipping. We know how to sound enticing. I'd say 80% of us lose our drug-cherry out here. Code words, invented by the Creative, help us. Occasionally you'll see FB statuses saying "Molly's my best friend", "Your love is my drug", "I love Mitsubishi", "Molly is coming over tonight", etc. This is to advertise that we are cool, and at the same time keeping our audiences guessing at what we're talking about.
Oh and also to stop getting arrested by the cops.
Cops? More like a joke. Members of our impeccable college law force make it their duty to stand around and watch underage teens drink till they blackout, make fools out of themselves, and sometimes (if they're lucky) end up getting alcohol poisoning. That's when they decide to stop laughing because, y'know, someone might be dying. I mean, it's obviously no big deal if a 5 foot tall, anorexic girl downs a handle of vodka. Until someone is puking everywhere and unable to move a single muscle, it is perfectly harmless to let freshman kids drink to their death.
Oh, and don't get me started on alcohol-induced blackouts. You'll lose count here. Here, we don't believe in excess. We don't believe in stopping. We don't believe in lightweights. We believe in the spirit of getting hammered. (Hallelujah!) Dancing on picnic tables, made orgasmic noises in public, peed in a parking lot, gotten into a FB relationship with (above mentioned) Matt, lost entire bags and walked way back to the dorms without a sweater in freezing temperature.
Pablo has broken his ankle falling down the stairs in blackout stupor, and consequently laughed at a cops face when he was asked "Sir, are you okay?"
Zack has lost his keys, college ID, and phone.
Jackie has gotten her breast suckled on the dancefloor.
Numerous friends have cheated on their significant others.
Numerous friends have burst out crying at the end of the night.
And yet how we fail to remember this in the morning is beyond me. We are filled in with the details the next day over (a very hungover) breakfast.
"Omg do you know what you did last night?!"
"I think this happened to me last night!"
"Were you there when (insert name) ended up (insert scenario)?"
"Do you remember anything from last night? You were so funny/crazy/gone!"

And all these questions are followed by either "Oh shit no I don't! Did that really happen?", or "I blacked out around (insert time). I don't remember anything after that!"
I feel like this post is getting too long. Yet it's fun to share my weekend experience in a party school.
In conclusion, let me add a few pictures of our nights. Nights we barely remember.

Weekend. Alcohol. U-fucking-Mass



Jackie and I humping walls.



Getting a lap dance from Pablo. Halloweekend.



Our form of sports. Kings.



Mt.Holyoke nights.



Foursome dances


2 comments:

Furree Katt said...

you have the loveliest smile.

Tinuviel said...

Aww thanks. ^_^

Post a Comment