Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Let Go.

Nothing's changed, darling.
I changed, you changed. But nothing has. We still sip our morning coffees, read our papers, get ready for classes, and carry on with our lives as if everything is back to normal. But I've really moved on; I've moved on from giving a fuck. I've moved on from trying to make you stay. I've moved on from trying to push you forward. I've moved on from talking about our future together.
How you failed to notice is beyond me. You said you won't just let me slip from your fingers like that. And yet I flowed through, like murky water, right through your unclasped fingers and chewed fingernails. The "I-love-you"s stopped being muttered aloud, the visits shortened, the quietness hanging like a velvet curtain, my hints elusive, your oblivion ever present. Always present. Never gone. It was like your oblivion and I were competing for your attention, and I guess it won.
Your work won.
Your brothers won.
Your school won.
Your friends won.
And all the while, we sat across from each other and I bullshitted my way through our morning coffees and evening meals and bedtime sex and post-cuddling.
I smiled and I guess that was enough.
Never enough. It's never enough.

4 comments:

Richa said...

Simply brilliant, I loved every word.

Tinuviel said...

Thanks, Richa!

Kevin said...

Now, now, you'll get someone new. What's this about you being chicken pakori? That i could eat, the chipmunk, not so much.

Tinuviel said...

A. This post has nothing to do with looking for someone new lol.
B. I'm surprised you even know what a chicken pakori is.

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