Sunday, April 3, 2011

Shine on forever.

Major events start off with the tiniest things. And he started off with a pink camera.
I hate pink.
And my cousin. I hate my cousin.
And the sea. And I hate the sea.
And the smell of musk and cigarettes. Rough hands and a rugged stub. Boyish grin and playful eyes.
You falling in love to Empire State of New York. Watching me dance; sing happily, carelessly. Laugh at you not knowing the lyrics. In my short dress and long legs, in the whispers, in the hot summer night we spent at the party.
Me falling in love at the beach. With the waves crashing on your body, the breeze threatening to blow my skirt away, the untouched food and half-finished cigarettes and beer.

There was no love-at-first-sight, no stealing glances, no small talk. We barely noticed each others presence. All I knew was that he was driving my favorite car. All he knew was that I was his sister-in-law's cousin's friends cousin. Too much to memorize, we moved on with our lives.
If only 12 years of schooling had prepared me for what was gonna hit me next. Hit me like being slammed onto a brick wall. If only I had not left a stupid, pink camera in my favorite car, his car, I would not have had to meet him again and pay attention to the chiseled lines on his face, not notice the dimple on his left cheek, his slight stub, his locks (longer than mine).
6 hour long phone conversations, a supervised date, and a lecture later you made it official. I remember fighting against all odds to make it work, I remember feeling self-conscious because we hadn't had our first kiss for 2 weeks. Getting approval from friends was one thing, getting approval from mom was another thing, but getting approval from my entire family was a completely unexpected discovery. He achieved something none of my exs ever could have.
Short-lived, it was. I hated all the circumstances that brought us together. I hated him for not having a plan in life. I hated having to sacrifice every time. My love story turned into a confetti, paintballed mess. I watched the story I had perfected in my head crumble before my eyes, and there was nothing I could do to keep it glued together.
It was my fairytale turning into a nightmare. Like a bad trip, the last 3 months were the worst I have ever experienced.

But I'm glad you existed, I'm glad it happened. Cause now I have a plan in life that doesn't involve a love life, that doesn't involve settling down, that doesn't involve anything except the path I carved out for myself. I party. A lot. I mess up every now and then. Who doesn't? I make the most of my life, now. I don't hold back, I don't let politics come in my life, I don't let anything stand in my way to success.
And thanks to you, I found someone who shares the same ambition, drive, and stubbornness as me.

So goodbye, my lover. This is where we part ways.

"'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won."


Sana Castellano said...

There's always something to learn. That which doesn't kill us only makes us stronger. =)
PS : I wouldn't want you to forget though every thing just because of this one episode -- and that fact that we are muslims. Do what you want but remember that.

Tinuviel said...

Sorry, Sana. I don't believe in religion.

Bakemono Imo said...

I'm still waiting to read "those" 5 pages, three of which you have yet to write.

Welcome back Hyme

Tinuviel said...

This post took a month to write, Baka.

CrazyLady said...

You're pretty.

Bakemono Imo said...

So? What the hell have you been doing for the last three years?

Tinuviel said...

Thanks, CrazyLady! ^_^

Trying not to go crazy with what shenanigans you're always up to.

Sana Castellano said...

Well that is sad. =(

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