Sunday, May 22, 2011


Baby blue eyes and a mohawk. That's what I miss the most.

Amidst all the chiffon and silk, brunches and tea parties, makeup and fake smiles, I remember what reality felt like in the past one month. Grass blades, midnight walks to track fields, drunken stupor, and those baby blue eyes. If I think hard, I can almost see the fine details of a shoulder tattoo, I can remember the defined outlines of a ticklish back, I can almost feel the dips and curves of a toned body.
Many times I've picked up my phone to type out a demanding text for meeting up. And then I remember that there's 7105 miles of oceans and seas and countries and islands in between; 7105 miles of things that I don't care about, things that haven't mattered any less; 7105 miles of the earth, of politics, of people that do not matter; 7105 miles that I wish I could drive in a few hours and see you again.
Hog the bed, sleep near you if not next to you, be able to touch you when possible. Force you to come out, chase me around the grass without shoes, pick me up and throw me over your shoulder.

I miss the feeling of having you near me. The feeling of being able to walk out and seeing you whenever I want. The feeling of running into you at a bus stop and having an awkward conversation in front of someone who hates you.
I just miss you. That's all. You and your baby blue eyes, shaved mohawk. And fat face. Always the fat face.

Friday, May 6, 2011


Hi, Quinn.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

You're a distant memory when I'm here.
You'll be too close when I wake up every morning.

I hate knowing the way to your house. I hate knowing your number after all this time.

Testing time. Bring it on.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Random Thoughts.

If I stand here and twirl, I can almost make sense of all of this. I can connect the grey hues and the black dots and the white lies, just to figure out the bigger picture.
If I run my fingers through my hair, I can almost tell what silk feels like if I let it define the curves of my body. I can run around in the wind, hair blowing behind me with my skirt, and I know my laughter would be music to my own ears.
If I take a deep breath, I can almost feel you around me. Or I can pretend to hold you close and breathe you in; musk and sweat, laundry and heat, me and you. Or just you.
I would love to lie on the grass with you, touch your fingertips with mine and stare in amazement. I would love to feel like a child again, protected and carefree. I would want to forget about everything that surrounds me, and dance around in the rain without my shoes. And what would I not give to wake up to your breath on my ear, your lips on my shoulder, and your eyes saying everything I need to hear.
What if I never come back? What if I believe this is enough to last me a lifetime? Am I being selfish?