Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Just. Breathe.

I've counted days and days. I've counted hours, minutes, seconds, breaths. I've watched people pass by me every day, their same routines, their coffee cups and important phone calls. I've stood still in the middle of this roundabout, wondering where to go next, hoping that you would come around and everything would go back to normal.
I've spent days not giving a fuck, sealing off my emotions, jumping from one guy to the next, just to find someone who is remotely like you. I've sat here for hours wondering what to type up next, just so I could get you out of my head, my life, my mind my past. Everywhere I've gone, I've looked for a face that doesn't exist anymore.
I've tried to cry you out, to scream you out, to phase you out, to blur you out, to shut you out. I've tried to drown you out, breathe you out, write you out, stress you out. Everytime I've just drowned myself in my emotionless pit of solitude. I've tried to come up to take a gasp of fresh air, only to push myself back down again. I've spent months in guilt, wondering what I else I could have done to make things better, to make them right.
"You're looking for a face that's long gone. It's time you moved on. He's not coming back."
That one line was a slap on my face to bring me back to reality.
I have finally moved on and found my place in the world. And I'm beyond happy that you're not part of my new life.