Sunday, November 4, 2012

Mind Over Matter

"I would say the key to finding happiness is to ignore everything that makes you sad."

How do you ignore everything that makes you sad, when everything in general makes you sad? When every corner has a secret beneath a secret beneath a secret lurking into the darkness, waiting for you to come near so it can pounce on you and remind you, once again, how many bad decisions you've made in your life? There is no such thing as starting over, although you can pause, linger, love, and then move on. It's like being a tourist in your own life. You meet people, you collect stories, you move on to the next best thing.
When exactly is it that we stop moving to the next best thing?

So what if you learn to control your thoughts, emotions, ideas, decisions? It makes you capable of not being hurt, sure. But for how long can you withhold your sadness until therapists can say there is actually something wrong with you? You cultivate the best possible lies to feed society, and yet you find yourself feeding yourself those same lies in order to believe that you are truly happy. Protecting mechanism, or what-have-you.

Here is you staring at yourself in the mirror. Here is where your skin crinkles when you smile. That spot on your nose is your birthmark, signifying your glorious existence in this world. You see that scar on your cheek? That's when you got slapped by someone wearing a ring and had to carry that mark for the rest of the day pretending that it was something else. Here, when you puncture your skin, you bleed.

And bleed, we do.


Magdalena said...

Tinuviel. :) it's good to see you write. But why so real?

Tinuviel said...

Magdalena, it's good to be back. :)
Lots of change, lots of new ideas, a new lifestyle and what-have-you. Gone are the abstract, depressing ramblings of a teen. I don't find love interesting enough to write about anymore.

Magdalena said...

Haha. It's good to know that change can be positive. :)

CrazyLady said...

Woohoo! you're back! I've been feeling quite down and unable to ignore the sadness these days. Its not possible.

Tinuviel said...

I'm sorry. :( Honestly, things don't get better unless you work your ass off. It takes a long, long time, but things pick up after a while.

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